Yesterday, I ran my normal five mile route. No matter how hard I try, I CAN’T BREAK 40 MINUTES!!!
It’s pretty damn frustrating.
But, all through the rest of the day, I was once again irritable and cranky. I could tell Joe (my boyfriend of 1.5 years) didn’t want to be around me. I came home, put on a cute face for my mom, but was miserable, restless….and SPENT. I lay down on my bed at 9:30, and was awoken at midnight by Joe’s goodnight call. I had a silly half-asleep conversation with him, and then fell back into a deep sleep for the next nine hours.
Something’s wrong with me. I shouldn’t be crashing at 8pm every night. I shouldn’t be so irritable. I shouldn’t be so moody ALL THE TIME. I’m tired and crabby, and I CAN’T FUCKING BREAK 40 MINUTES!!!!
So, I’m taking a few days off of running. I’ve been so miserable lately that I don’t even look forward to my runs anymore. I wake up sore and exhausted, as though I never went to bed, and the last thing I want to do is run. And that’s not how I want my life to be!! I want to love running, enjoy it, look forward to it again. I want to be the happy and energetic person I used to be. So, though I don’t LIKE to take time off (because, for someone who only eats like 1500 calories a day, I sure am fat!), I think I really need to. For my mom’s sake, for Joe’s sake, fuck, for my sake, since I’m even starting to piss myself off….
….here goes. Today I biked 70 minutes and then went to the gym for an hour and a half and did strength training with Joe. We went to Panera<333333 afterward. It was fun! I had a good day. It’s 10:30 and I’m starting to get tired….my body feels ok though.
